Welcome to the Lunar Community
Congratulations on securing your crater-side property. As a duly registered member of the Moon Homeowners Association, you are now entitled to the full array of rights, privileges, and obligations as enumerated in the Lunar Residential Charter of 2069 — a document that spans 4,200 pages and has never been read in its entirety by any living human being.
We are confident your tenure here will be orderly, compliant, and of appropriate reflectivity. Should you have questions, please consult Section 7, Subsection 14, Appendix C, Footnote 38b. The answer is almost certainly "no."
Rules & Regulations
No unauthorized rocket landings are permitted between the hours of 21:00 and 06:00 Coordinated Universal Time. Residents citing "it's technically always daytime in space" will be issued a formal reprimand and directed to the Definitions Annex.
Strictly EnforcedAll moon dust must be confined to your registered property boundary. Regolith particulates observed drifting into adjacent craters are subject to a strongly worded letter, followed by a second, slightly more strongly worded letter.
Strictly EnforcedNo alien lawn ornaments may exceed three (3) feet in height. Inflatable Martian effigies are expressly prohibited. This includes "vintage" inflatable Martians, "ironic" inflatable Martians, and inflatable Martians described as "art."
Moderately EnforcedAll properties must maintain a minimum albedo rating of 0.12, consistent with established lunar surface standards. Properties found to be "too matte" will receive a complimentary polishing referral at the resident's expense.
Under ReviewProlonged howling in the direction of Earth is permitted only on weekends and Association-approved holidays. This includes, but is not limited to: Full Perigee, Lunar New Year, and the annual Mons Memorial Day.
Loosely EnforcedThe unauthorized inscription of phrases — including but not limited to "MONS RULE," "MARE GANG," or any territorial designations — on the visible lunar surface is a Class III HOA violation. We are currently investigating. We have suspects.
Under Active InvestigationResident Amenities
Olympic-standard facility. Currently adrift somewhere between Crater Tycho and the South Pole. Last known heading: 14°N. Please report any sightings.
Location UnknownA 12.4km scenic walking path with complimentary 80s music broadcast via helmet speaker. Surface is uneven. Bring your own oxygen.
OperationalPremium sun exposure facility. Results vary significantly by hemisphere and orbital position. SPF ∞ sunscreen dispensers available on the near side only.
Operational (Near Side)Community-maintained equipment depot for the bi-weekly Crater Cleanup Initiative. Brooms are not provided. BYOB policy strictly observed.
OperationalClimate-controlled (relatively) facility for official Association proceedings. Attendance is mandatory. Opinions are discouraged. Refreshments are tepid.
Open SaturdaysHigh-latency communication terminal for contacting Earth-based relatives. Average round-trip message delay: 2.6 seconds. Emotional context arrives even later.
Under MaintenanceUpcoming Community Events
All registered residents required to report with personal broom. No broom-sharing. This policy is final.
Attendance required for all residents, including those who describe themselves as "introverted" or "busy." No exceptions. Festivities begin at dusk (conceptually).
Primary agenda: investigation into the "MONS RULE" surface graffiti incident. Secondary: Q3 dust containment report. Refreshments: tepid.
Reflectivity compliance review for all registered properties. Violations will be noted, catalogued, and discussed at length in a forthcoming letter.
Active Notices
Notice No. 2069-047: Surface Inscription Investigation
The Board is aware that the phrase "MONS RULE" has been inscribed on the lunar surface in letters exceeding 200 meters in height, visible from low Earth orbit. This constitutes violations of §1.6 (surface graffiti), §1.3 (unauthorized structures), and the general spirit of community decency.
If you have information regarding this incident, you are encouraged to contact the Compliance Office. Anonymity is guaranteed. We will still absolutely figure out who it was.
Notice No. 2069-051: Zero-Gravity Pool Recovery Initiative
The community pool was last observed at coordinates 14°N, 32°W, traveling at approximately 1.6 km/h in a generally eastward direction. Residents with viable retrieval plans are encouraged to submit proposals by end of quarter.
The Board reminds residents that this is, in fact, not the first time the pool has escaped.
Official Position on Circadian Rhythms
The Board acknowledges that the Moon does not experience a 24-hour day-night cycle. Nevertheless, the Board maintains that this is irrelevant. Rules are rules. Curfew is at 9 PM. Please calibrate accordingly.
Contact the Association
All messages are automatically filtered to spam. Response time: 1–3 lunar cycles.
For violation reporting and strongly-worded-letter requests. Open during Association-approved hours only.
Saturdays, ~14:00 UTC
Meetings are mandatory. Opinions expressed will be noted but not acted upon.
Full Lunar Surface
Including Mare Tranquillitatis, the Mons Olympus vicinity, and all craters regardless of naming rights.